People Share the Negative Qualities They Oddly Find Attractive
“Love is love is love,” said award-winning playwright, composer and actor Lin-Manuel Miranda — and he’s right. We all love who we love, no matter who they are and what strange quirks they may possess. Like Selena Gomez says, “The Heart Wants What It Wants,” and you don’t usually have much control over who you love.
The basic laws of attraction are pretty simple. People typically look for partners with the interests and characteristics that appeal to them. That could be positive things like a sense of humor, intelligence, a certain physique or particular hobbies. Sometimes, it’s highly criticized qualities that spark the greatest attraction. Netizens across the globe shared some of the top qualities labeled as undesirable by most of society that they find completely irresistible. Maybe you feel the same way. Take a look!
There’s No Place Like Home
I don’t mind being with a “homebody.” I love being able to enjoy one another’s presence without always needing to go somewhere for it to count as being fun. You can’t overdo it though. I can’t be locked in the house for three years straight binge-watching all of your favorite shows…or on second thought…
My wife has a horrible memory when it comes to remembering songs she hears on the radio. She’s tone-deaf and only remembers small parts. She will hear some song on the radio and try to tell me about it. It has turned into a fun game where I listen to her try to sing the song, and then I guess what it is. It’s hilariously challenging, and I’ve even thought about recording her and posting it online. It’s incredibly endearing and cute, and I love her for it.
Smoothing Out the Rough Edges
I like rough, unkempt hands with calluses, ragged cuticles, and uneven and broken nails. I don’t mean filthy or grimy hands, just worn in and well-used hands that bear evidence of hard, tactile work — like a skilled tradesmen’s hands. If the hands are broad and strong, that’s even better. It could be a mechanic’s hands, a farmer’s hands, or a carpenter’s hands. Men with hands like this have the best kind of touch — surprisingly delicate and supremely confident.
I also like scars, particularly small facial scars or trauma scars. Scars are like birthmarks in their uniqueness and permanency, but unlike birthmarks, scars come with stories. I’m attracted to the mystery that lies beneath them and to the intimacy inherent in the storytelling.
Disclaimer: Must Love Holding Hands
My husband and I had known each other for a few years before we started dating. On our first date, I told him I was a “touchy-feely” person, and he just responded that he was too. We’ve been together several years now, and we still constantly touch, even if it’s just a hand on the knee while driving or touching some part of each other while sleeping. I’m glad we’re not the only people to address that from the beginning!
Showing Some Manly Emotion
I like men who are very open about their emotions and aren’t afraid to cry in front of other people. A lot of people view that as a negative thing. They might want a “tough guy” who hides that stuff. I find it super attractive and love when men are honest about how they’re feeling.
Master of the Game
When I was an exchange student in Latin America, I found that I had a lot more girls interested in me than I was used to because I was foreign and white. It probably helped that I was athletic, but it was mostly just the fact that I was foreign and white.
That said, of the myriad of girls in the Latin high school that appreciated my foreignness, there was only one girl who was completely uninterested in me. So, of course, she was the one I wanted. Seriously, I would message her and get no response, and it was the most attractive thing I had ever experienced.
Growing Together Instead of Apart
I think it’s attractive when someone admits they’re still finding themselves. A lot of people regard it as a bad thing, but I view it as a positive sign that the person has a growth mindset. It makes me hopeful that we have a chance to grow together and form a strong relationship in the future.
Some Sexy Brain Power
I love it when people are total nerds about some obscure interest. I don’t care if it’s trains, snails or chopsticks. I just love people with a passion for knowledge. I also like class clown types — as long as they’re not completely idiotic.
Age Is Just a Number
I like a huge age difference. I’m still in my early twenties, so I can’t go for super young guys, but I’m intrigued by older men and find them quite fascinating. I’m also into guys who are hopeless at house chores or anything domestic. I’m a bit of a control freak in that area, and I don’t want any offers for help or any interruptions.
I also kind of like guys who have a bit of road rage and sports rage going on. I’m a fairly chill person, and it’s kind of hot to watch someone get so worked up.
No Fashion Sense Is a Fashion Statement of Its Own
I like guys with no fashion sense. Maybe it comes from growing up in a small, blue-collar, middle-of-nowhere town and now living in a city, but there’s something so cute about guys who are kind of clueless about fashion trends. I’m into stuff like wearing a beat-up old T-shirt tucked into a pair of cheap jeans or tall white socks with some cargo shorts. Even rocking pleated khakis at work looks good.
Bonding Over a Little Shared Anxiety
I like someone who is needy or insecure but not to the extreme. I don’t want someone who desperately needs contact and refuses to believe I like them, but I’m fine with a bit of nervousness and occasional worrying about how I perceive them. I find it endearing.
It’s probably not a great thing to look for in a partner, but as someone who has suffered from a lot of low self-esteem and anxiety, I can relate. I enjoy being with someone who I can help build that self-esteem. The two long-term girlfriends I’ve had both started off very insecure, needy and clingy. Throughout the relationship, they became super self-confident, sexy, outgoing people. Then they left me. Maybe I’m messing it up for myself.
Failure Is Not an Option (Again)
When I got divorced, I told my mother that if I ever dated again seriously, it would only be with someone else who had gotten divorced. I feel like once you’ve gone through a divorce, there’s a certain growth and maturity you experience. Divorce changed my perspective and outlook on so many aspects of life. I felt like a stronger individual knowing that even though I tried to give someone my all, and he didn’t respect it, I kept going without caving into the social pressure to stay married.
Did Someone Turn on the Sprinkler?
I like a woman who can sweat. I had a friend who within 10 minutes of dancing at the club, she would start pouring sweat. Hair soaking, chest wet, even her armpits were dripping. The guys would stop dancing with her, so she would eventually slow down her dancing. I thought it was so hot. Most of my friends were grossed out, and I couldn’t understand why.
Enough with the Fake Happiness All the Time
I like when a woman I’m in a relationship with admits to feeling angry, contemptuous, sad, anxious, etc. when she first starts to feel that way. A lot of people, men and women both, don’t like to be around others who are feeling negative emotions because it’s unpleasant.
Some people think they’re doing everyone a favor by keeping their negative emotions to themselves. That may be true for casual acquaintances, but if you feel a negative emotion toward someone who benefits from your company, and you don’t explicitly tell them, that’s a selfish behavior on your part. You’re using silence or understating the truth to lie and protect yourself from being rejected.
That’s why I admire and respect women who can overcome the impulse to stick to selfish, dishonest silence and instead tell the explicit truth. They are better friends and partners for me and others. I suppose this goes for men as well, but since I’m a straight man, I can only say from personal experience that this is the most important quality I look for in a woman as a relationship partner.
That’s Not Weird at All
I love eccentricity. I want to wake up to my partner doing an oil painting and drinking red wine at 4 a.m. on a Wednesday. Or I want to look out the window to see them singing Irish rebel songs wearing flippers in the middle of the afternoon.
Polar Opposites Attract
I have an inclination toward men who are socially awkward, sometimes painfully so. I like them to be lone wolves and not have a bunch of friends. I tend to go for the more standoffish type.
People are always confused about the type of dudes I go for, considering my personality. I’m generally a pretty social and amiable person, so it doesn’t make sense to them. Of course, people who always have to socialize drive me insane.
*Insert Evil Laughter
I like arrogance and rebellion. I’m almost always attracted to the villain in movies. If they’re a little bit crazy, that’s okay too. They’re doing their own thing and owning it — even if it’s misguided.
Could You Repeat That?
I like a little bit of a language barrier. My girlfriend is from China. She understands English fine, but there’s just enough of a barrier that my awkward timing and phrasings get lost in translation, and she simply receives the basic message. Some of the things she says are sayings in China that we don’t have, and when translated literally, they sound particularly charming and poetic. I can say romantic things to her, and I don’t have to worry about being cringy. It’s very nice.
No Muscular Manhandling Allowed
I wouldn’t call it a negative, but it’s a bit more unconventional. I seem to be drawn to more wiry and lanky guys. Huge muscles are fine, I guess, but I’d prefer not to be crushed to death every time I come in for a hug. I also kind of dig the whole “nerdy-cute” thing with some guys.
Cursing a Pretty Little Blue Streak
I had a girlfriend who could curse with surgical precision. When she called someone out, she did it with such a vicious, direct, hard tone. I would practically cheer, and the target of her curse would almost visually shrink in size. It was doubly deadly coming from her, as she was this stereotype of the “sweet Midwestern girl.” She was cute as hell, blonde, smart, funny. She had it all, but, man, when she decided you earned a vulgar name from her, it came out like a targeted beam of verbal hatred.
Hitting Those Imperfections Right on the Nose
Broken noses and facial scars just make a face a little bit more interesting and show that the person has had some life experiences. I like people who look a little bit rough around the edges.
Savoring the Thrill of Power
My girlfriend is strong. In fact, her legs are so strong she can do the airplane thing with me, and I’m 6 feet, 2 inches. When she wears a tank top, I can see her shoulders, which are fairly toned. I love it!
She’s a little insecure about it, and I keep telling her, “Strong is sexy!” Sometimes, we wrestle, and she comes close to beating me. I only mention this quality because I know some men are intimidated by strong women. I love it. She’s my partner in adventure!
When Obsession Turns to Passion
My boyfriend has Aspergers. Because of this, he always gets obsessed with random things he comes across. Recently, it was the gym, strength training and Hinduism. When he was younger, he told me about his obsessions with dinosaurs, and how he knew all their names and what they ate. Every time he develops a new obsession or tells me about an old one, I love him even more. To me, he’s the most wonderful person in the world.
A Degree in Life Experience
I like it when they don’t have a university education. I’m not necessarily more attracted to non-degree holders. It just doesn’t bother me if someone doesn’t have a degree. Lots of people seem to think that because I have a university degree that my fiance should have one too. To me, it doesn’t matter.
She tends to make better choices than a lot of university girls. She has no debt and a healthy amount of savings, and we have a healthy, loving relationship. I’m not sure why getting a woman with a degree would be a better choice considering my love life doesn’t involve talking about academics.
Wisdom Leaves a Few Marks Behind
I like wrinkles. Many people seem to be afraid of looking their age, but I find it adds character — so much so that it can almost tell a story about all the paths that person has walked in their life. There is something really special in loving and accepting your body, even when it changes, and that is extremely attractive.
When Cling Is a Thing
I like clinginess in a significant other. I’m the type of person who can (and wants) to text someone all day, every day if I like them — just about stupid fun stuff. I feel like that has a bad connotation (i.e., “Stage 5 clinger!”), but if someone wants to talk to me that much and can hold a conversation like that, I find it super flattering and endearing.
Yummy, Yummy for Your Tummy
I like it when a guy has a big appetite. I love cooking, and I love cooking for big eaters the most. There’s something I find extremely attractive and flattering about a guy who polishes off a huge dinner I made and wants seconds.
Always on Alert for the Unexpected
I’m with someone who constantly changes her interests. There would be a half-made scarf on the table because she suddenly decided to leave it and learn the violin. I love it. It makes buying her presents super easy, and it also keeps things exciting. Guess who wants to learn how to become a beekeeper and wants me to go with them?
When Bossy Is Saucy
For some reason, I seem to have a type, but it’s an unlikely type for me. I’m a really nerdy guy, and I like the “prom queen” type. The slightly mean, running the show, has dirt on half the school type of girl. I don’t know why, but once I realized that’s what I liked, a lot of stuff started to make sense, including every relationship I’ve ever had.
I dated this one girl in high school, and we always had this…thing. We were both in drama class. I don’t know what it was, but for some reason, I — the nerd weirdo — had an intensely flirty relationship with the Queen Bee. I dated two other girls in high school — both of them that type. College isn’t looking too different.
Roll with the Changes
I’ve realized that other people find this trait a negative, and it blows my mind. I love it when a man is constantly learning and trying to improve himself. A lot of people just want to settle down and settle for what they are now, but I can’t. I love learning new things. I believe everything can be made better at some point or another, so to have a partner who wants to settle down with me but refuses to settle into life is a turn-on.
I love it when a man wants to improve a habit, his mind or even our relationship. Stagnancy is okay for a while, but things have to move and stay interesting for our lives to be worth living. I’m sure it could be annoying in some situations, but I’d rather have a man with a vision than a man who just wants to eat, sleep and die as he is.
Served with a Big Hunk of Jerk
Oh, boy, this one is complicated. I like a specific set of “negative” qualities that create a perfect storm of confused attraction. He’s got to be a big boy — big, round belly, big old butt, definitely on the fatter side of the muscular chub range. Being hairy is a plus, and it’s even better if he knows he’s a big man and flaunts it.
He’s got to have a swagger and a confidence that bleeds into casual arrogance. He’s a jerk, for lack of a better term. He’s assertive, sarcastic, smug and isn’t worried about what other people think. Somewhat trashy can be cute too, depending on the dude, but a fat jerk who’s well dressed and groomed can also make me squirm.
I’d also still want him to be intelligent. Swagger and arrogance without the smarts to back it up are less alluring to me. Also, by “jerk” I don’t mean racist or sexist. Yes, I know, it’s weirdly specific.