Managers Share Their “You’re Hired! You’re Fired!” Story

Stephan Heinrich

Being a manager in any workplace is a difficult gig. You have to deal with crazy schedules, unpredictable employees, and a plethora of insane customers. Perhaps one of the worst parts of the job is letting people go, especially when you’ve invested time and money into them. But some workers are just so bad, it’s like they’re asking to get fired…

The following people take the top prizes for being the worst screw-ups in the workplace. Have you ever heard of an employee trying to steal $100,000 on their first day of banking? How about an employee who sent a complete stranger to impersonate them in an interview? These may sound too absurd to be real, but the idiocy of new hires is

These fed-up managers shared their quickest (and strangest) hired-then-fired stories. It’s not hard to see why they let these guys go!

Honey, You’re Talking To The CEO

The new hire had just gone through orientation and was sitting through a brief introductory speech by the CEO. She decided to interrupt the CEO and started lecturing him about how his company didn’t have a good enough web presence. He told her that they could discuss it later, but she just kept talking louder.

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Finally, he had enough, and in front of everybody, he told her she no longer worked at his company anymore. She started sobbing and said that she was just trying to help. She had moved across the country for the job.

Man, we dodged a bullet on that one.

Were Those Three Letters F-B-I?

I worked for a major three-lettered computer company. A new service tech was hired. Once he logged in, he pulled out a portable hard drive from his backpack, connected it to his machine, and started to copy everything he had access to. Within three hours, security was escorting him out the door.

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Is Anyone Going To Pick Her Up?

One time, I got a call from the county jail because this girl I just hired had been arrested and she refused to give any information to the police. They called me hoping they could get more information about her from me, such as a relative they could contact about her arrest. I told them I couldn’t give them her information, but I agreed to call her emergency contacts to let them know what was going on.

Core Magnetism

I called her mom and told her that she was currently in jail and all the mom said was, “Of course she is.” She then hung up on me.

About two days after she was released from jail, she ended up in the hospital from alcohol poisoning. I had to let her go. The worst part is that I actually liked her.

She Wasn’t As Sharp As She Thought…

I hired a person to be a personal banker. She was all smiles in the interview and seemed to have a knack for sales. Within the first hour of her starting, she attempted to deposit $100,000 into a dummy account that she had set up. It set off about a million red flags in the system.

Core Magnetism

The official time of her employment with us, from the moment she clocked in to the moment her firing, was 20 minutes. Ten of those minutes were spent waiting for the cops.

Allergies Are No Joke, Darling

She didn’t even make it through the office tour.

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We hire a lot of seasonal workers, and last year we had a girl with a deadly peanut allergy. We put up a few reminder signs and placed some peanut-free dishes and forks in the kitchen to prepare for her first day. When she arrived, we showed her around and she pointed at the signs, asking sarcastically, “You actually believe someone can die from peanuts?”

I asked a few questions to make sure she wasn’t trying to make a terrible joke. When it was obvious she was serious, I told her she was done for the day and that she could head home. I don’t have the power to fire people, so I was a little worried when I took it to our boss. Fortunately, my boss took my side.

As It Turns Out, Threats Can Get You Fired

This was less than an hour after orientation.

Employee Total Well Being

I got a call shortly about the new guy. Apparently, he had been harassing all the women and threatening to break our panels with a hammer if he got fired. He was bragging about this to EVERYONE.

What Was This Poor Guy Thinking…

We set up the temp hire up at his job and showed him what to do. There was a can of degreaser sitting with the machine he was operating. He came into my office, sat down, picked up a shop rag, sprayed some degreaser on it, and pressed it into his face, inhaling it deeply. I got up, went over to him, and said, “Come on, son.” I walked him to the door.

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You’re In The Wrong Profession, Bud

I let some poor kid go after 30 minutes. He didn’t want to quit because it was his first job, but he was clearly in over his head. To his credit, he interviewed like a CHAMP, and some people are just really good at saying all the right things. When I fired him, he shook my hand, told me I had nice eyebrows and left. The next day, he emailed me to let me know he was quitting… I told him there were no hard feelings since he was already fired.

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I have now learned to ask every PHLEBOTOMIST applicant if they are comfortable being exposed to blood. Thanks, Connor.

Actually, Just Go On Vacation Forever

At 8:45 a.m., I gave an employee a warning for not pulling his own weight. At 9:30 a.m., my team informed me that the employee I just gave a warning to announced he was taking a week-long vacation. At 9:35 a.m., he was nowhere to be found.

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I hope it was a nice vacation.

It Takes A Special Kind Of Person…

I had a bartender who “lost” money on her first shift. The drawer started at $200. She came back with $140. She worked six hours and did not have any credit card tips or anything, so she “somehow” managed to spend all of her tips, plus $60 without leaving the building. Yeah, fired.

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Ah, The Pinnacle Of Pure Laziness

I managed a fast food restaurant and hired someone to work primarily in the back prep kitchen. The job involved cutting five to ten 20-kilogram bags of potatoes per shift with a hand-operated machine, as well as doing dishes and cleaning. The new hire had a great trial shift, so I scheduled him in for the next day at noon.

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I arrive at 3 p.m. for the closing shift to find uncut potatoes, dishes piled sky high and the new hire in my damn office chair, texting.

Nope. Bye-bye.

Wait…Who Is This Dude?

A temp we hired for a project interviewed extremely well. He was looked professional and spoke perfect English with the barest hint of a London accent. He also had a ton of credentials. If anything, he seemed overqualified for what was essentially a grunt lab position.

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On his second day, he showed up to the computer lab. He was a completely different person. Like, literally. He was squat, overweight, and had a different face and hair. He also had a thick accent. I didn’t know who he was, but he was not the guy we hired.

I looked over his application file and I got a copy of his ID. He wasn’t even a US citizen. I had never come across this before: the temp company basically pulled a bait and switch. On his third day, he was two hours late, but by that point, I had the permission to fire him based on his lack of being a US citizen.

We later found out this temp agency would send the nice guy for the interview, and then send someone of the same name and race to work the actual job. They had gotten away with it for quite some time.

Sleep All Day, Party All Night, Work… Never!

She lasted about 63 minutes. She seemed so nice and motivated during the interview, so I was excited to bring her on.

Interesting World

But on the very first day, she was four hours late to her five-hour training shift. She said she had overslept, despite the fact that her shift started at 5 p.m. ON A TUESDAY. There were lots of red flags, but I’m a nice guy and she said she needed the money, so I gave her another chance.

LITERALLY THE NEXT DAY she came in two hours late and tipsy. The first words out of her mouth were neither an excuse or an apology. She asked me, “Can I get $100 upfront from my first check after my shift so I can go out with my girl tonight? It’s her birthday.”

I fired her on the spot and banned her from ever coming back.

No One Likes A Little Brat

I stupidly hired someone after another manager promised me he interviewed well. I was desperate for an extra body in my department and I let it happen without having met him first.

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An hour in, he was an obnoxious little punk. He was swearing and breaking stuff. He then decided to run around on the shop floor without looking and because of that, he walked right into a customer and head-butted her.

Yeah, fired.

I Have So, So Many Questions

I managed a gas station for a while. I hired this guy who seemed completely normal, so I had him start the next day. After about 30 minutes of working, he said he needed a break. No big deal, something must have come up. Maybe 10 minutes later, a customer came in saying a man was passed out in the men’s restroom. I sent another employee to check up on him and the new hire was naked and completely unresponsive.

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You Had A Second Chance There, Man

The new hire was fired on his first day. He left for lunch and when he came back, this happened:

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Me: “Your eyes are all red, are you on something?”

Him: “Yup!”

Me: “Whoa. Are you sure about that answer? Let me ask one more time: Are you on something?”

Him: “Yup!”

Me: *sigh*

I’ll Just Give You Every Day Off, Then

I hired her specifically for overnights. The job posting said overnights. The official job offer said overnights. The schedule given to her was for overnights. Yet, she didn’t show for the first night shift. She arrived in the morning and told me she could only work days.

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I had to let her because she already was hired.

This Went Downhill Quickly…

Back when I was a manager of an auto shop, I hired a new guy mechanic. It took forever to find someone, but I finally hired a guy who had 20 years of experience, an impressive resume, and all the certifications.

Cent Pour Cent

The suspicious thing was he showed up for his first day driving an old, beat up Chevette: the body was one color, the hood another, and the fenders another. There was also a giant toolbox hanging out the back hatch. Supposedly he was a top-end, high-earning tech?

The first week there were problems with misdiagnoses and comebacks. The Monday after, his wife called in sick for him. She showed up to pick up his check. The next week there were more problems, and his wife called in sick for him Monday again. Our dispatcher figured something was up with the guy.

When the tech went for a smoke break, the dispatcher came out and checked the Big-Gulp the guy always had by his toolbox. Turns out it was straight vodka.

He was fired by the third week.

Come On, This Is Kind Of Hilarious

First Day.

Stade

I used to manage a Borders bookstore and I caught a new hire hiding our conservative books. For instance, she would place copies of Al Franken’s “Rush Limbaugh is a Big Fat Idiot” over volumes of Limbaugh’s “See I Told You So”.

Well, That Was Quite The Adventure

I had a guy who said everything I wanted to hear during the interview. I hired him for a position and put him on an easy job site the following day. I showed up at 10 a.m. to see how he was doing. He hadn’t done anything of value. He had set up one ladder. I asked him if he was okay and if he needed a hand getting started. He assured me everything would be done on schedule.

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I left to the next job site, feeling confident that he would kick some butt. Afterward, I swung back by and the guy still hadn’t done any work. I found his crew just talking and they told me he went to a dental appointment! I called him, but there was no answer. I set up the guys and got them going on the job after half of the day was completely wasted.

Later, I got a call from one of my guys on delivery and he said one of my trucks were parked in front of the Veterans of Foreign Wars. I drove over to investigate and, sure enough, the new hire was there, tipsy as could be. I asked the bartender if I could send him a drink. She filled a pint, then I wrote him a check for his time onsite and put it in the beverage.

She brought it to him and he looked inside. The bartender then brought his attention to me. I waved and said, “Your services are no longer needed.”

I Think It’s A Valid Reason

He was two hours late for his first day on the job. When I asked why he stated:

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“It’s the first snow day of the year. I had to go sledding.”

I told him he could have all the time in the world to go sledding… Because I fired him.

I’m Starting To Notice A Pattern…

I ran an editorial website and was looking for opportunities to share our content in the comment section of other websites, so I’d search words in some of our articles to find similar content. I quickly found three instances in which entire paragraphs on our website had been copied by other websites. Enraged, I dug further and finally realized that we were actually the ones doing the copying.

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It all traced back to one writer. I scheduled a meeting with her in the morning to talk through these few slip-ups. At midnight, I stayed up investigating everything she had written for us, and realized she had done this with all 14 articles she had written. The purpose of the morning meeting quickly changed.

Does She Realize What Job She Signed Up For?

Most of our new hires are actually middle-aged women. Ninety percent of them are awesome, but some of them feel super entitled because they’re middle-aged. It doesn’t help that I’m only 23 either.

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Anyway, the new hire seemed okay. She didn’t make too much of an effort with the kids, but that wasn’t abnormal. It takes most staff a bit of time to get comfortable with other people kids.

We changed diapers on a schedule unless they needed to be changed immediately. I had changed a couple of diapers already and noticed she didn’t even lift a finger to help.

I ask her to help me. She seemed surprised and said, “Oh, I don’t change diapers, honey.”

This lady took a job caring for babies but said she didn’t change diapers.

She was fired maybe an hour later.

Hell Hath No Fury Like An Angry Father

I run a car dealership I hired a young guy, maybe 22 years old. A man walked in with his teen daughter and he started flirting with her, saying all these racy things. The Dad heard and complained to me. I fired the guy on the spot. He lasted 20 minutes.

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Oh, So She’s One Of Those People

I worked at a boarding kennel for a few years and really loved it. It’s dirty work, but I really like animals. We also boarded exotics, which was super neat.

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Anyway, the boss hired this girl who seemed a little off. During training, she’d stare off into space and not really acknowledge me. When I walked her through the process of cleaning kennels, and she did it just fine. So I sent her on her way.

On her first real day of work, she went out to clean the kennels. It’s a long process. It takes two hours minimum to do a decent job. But six hours into her shift, no one had seen her. When I checked the kennels, easily half of them weren’t cleaned and a lot of the doors were open. The girl was missing, along with four dogs. I ran to the boss because I genuinely thought the girl had stolen the dogs. The whole team went looking for her and eventually found her.

She had four BIG dogs—a Malamute, a great Dane, and two shepherds—all on leashes tied to the fence. She was giving them baths in the owner’s horse trough. She brought the shampoo from home in her lunch box. She didn’t understand why the boss was mad. She said, “It was so hot and they looked so unhappy.” The boss literally dragged her to her car kicking and screaming.

So yeah. Six hours.

Yeah, A Self-Made Medical Emergency Is A No-No

I hired this big Michael-Clarke-Duncan-looking guy who claimed he had experience in a kitchen. Nobody could get a hold of his references, but we were short a body and he had interviewed really well. Cut to his first day: The man had no clue at all about any of the kitchen basics, so we started questioning our decision. We figured maybe he was nervous or hungover, so we let it ride another day.

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On his second day, he came in and started prepping. I kept half an eye on him. I saw him grab some potatoes for soup, and next thing you know, he’s muttering about the chef’s dull knife. Instead of sharpening it with the whetstone on hand, or even using steel, he grabbed a 10-inch flexible boner and started forcing his way through a large russet.

I piped up and said, “Hey! That’s the wrong tool for the job. What are you doing?” He replied, “Nah, man, I got this.” The potato he was holding then rolled out of his grip, and the knife sprung off of the side of it, sinking itself into his left hand and out the back side.

This Level Of Stupidity Takes Skill

When I supervised the testing room of an electronics recycling and reselling facility, I had to let a new hire go on his second day. after He passed over 50 phones that all had critical faults. He also failed to wipe the data off of any of them. This was after I spent a full day personally training him, giving him a printout with a checklist of everything he needed to test. I also informed him of what constituted as a failed device, and explained how crucial it was to destroy all the data. We could be sued if any customer data was left on the phones.

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He was a super nice guy and I hated to do it, but he messed up.

Okay, This Is Just Creepy…

He came in the night after his first training shift. He wasn’t scheduled and he didn’t tell anyone he was there.

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He went into one of our female resident’s rooms. It’s unclear what he did while he was in there, as this particular resident wasn’t able to speak. No one saw him until 4 a.m. when it was time for the next round.

There was no physical evidence of abuse towards the resident, so he wasn’t charged with anything. But he was immediately fired and was blacklisted from our company.

What A Terrible Way To Celebrate

I work at a movie theater and we had to fire a new hire as soon as he showed up. After orientation, he went to the sunglasses store across the street. He was talking to the worker there about how he had just gotten hired at the theater. He then stole a pair of sunglasses. They showed us the camera footage and we fired him immediately.

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Did He Just…? Yes, Yes He Did

I was giving a new hire a tour of the facility and we stopped in the kitchen. I explained that eating was prohibited while on the work floor, but that the break room and lounge were both available for use during mealtimes. I pointed out the cupboards and fridge where he could store his lunch items, and showed him the coffeepot for common use. As I was pointing out where the coffee supplies were kept, he walked right up to the fridge, opened it, took out a lunchbox and started going through it. I don’t remember exactly what he took out, but it was something like a piece of fruit, a drink and a baggie of cookies or crackers.

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We sat down at a table and talked about some other basics before heading back to the work floor. He returned to the fridge and grabbed something else out, but I reminded him his food needed to be kept in the designated areas. He’d have to wait until later to finish his snack.

Not 30 minutes later, while new guy was watching some training videos, a long-time employee came to my office upset that half her lunch was missing. I immediately knew what had happened.

But…Did He Get Any Out?

When I was a manager at McDonald’s, we had one older employee who used coffee stirrers to fish out dollar bills from the Ronald McDonald House fund, all while customers were waiting in line to have their orders taken.

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Now Isn’t The Time For A Nap

We hired this server who had been waiting tables her whole life and was a general manager of a restaurant for about 10 years. She showed up for her first shift late and HAMMERED. She walked to the back booth and proceeded to pass out. A different manager tried stirring her awake, but nothing worked.

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Finally, he just roared her name and she woke up. He told her to leave immediately.

Yeah, We’re Not Playing A Game Of Telephone

I was an account manager for contract security. I reported to the client’s Senior Manager of Security (kind of like a district manager; he had buildings in like five states that he was responsible for).

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I had a new employee start, and the client manager was trying to talk to her. He was asking her how long she’d been with the company, what other contracts she’s worked, etc., but she just stood there ignoring him.

Turns out, she’d “heard about him” from somebody that used to work with him at his old job and had decided she just wouldn’t speak to him. I told her that really wasn’t an option—she would be there after hours and would have to call him at home if there was an issue. She refused to listen.

She lasted about three and a half hours.

A Teenager, An Old Woman, And An Ex-Con Walk Into A Deli…

I was a deli manager at a supermarket. I hired three people at once. An older lady, an ex-con, and a foolish teenager. The teen decided to start a fist fight with the older lady over some dirty dishes. The ex-con stepped in to break it up. My area manager wanted me to fire them all. I fired the teenager. He lasted four hours into his first shift.

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No Worries, He Was Just Making A Freaking Sword

I work in the theater industry and I have directed quite a few actors whom I’ve fired after a few days. My quickest fire was actually a technician. Let’s call him Noah. Noah was 19 years old and had been brought in because his father was a friend of the producer or something. I immediately realized that something was off about him. Firstly, he was easily 6’4″ but probably only 150 pounds. Additionally, he was constantly asking the other staff members how to accomplish basic tasks, proving he knew nothing about tech.

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After lunch, I came in to find him attempting to sand a chunk of welding steel on the shop belt sander. For those who don’t know, a belt sander is meant to grind down wood. Steel is harder than wood. He was clearly ignoring the sparks flying from every opening in the machine. I later learned he’d decided he wanted to make a sword.

I have ten rules posted in my shop. Two of them are: “Don’t work in the shop without a buddy,” and “If you break a power tool, you pay for it.” As I shut off the power and explained to Noah that this would be coming out of his paycheck, he screamed, threw his sharpened pole of steel at me, and ran out, violating my unwritten 11th rule: “Don’t try to kill people.”

I was luckily unharmed, and he was fired after seven hours of work.

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