Your Movie Sucks

From Roger's review of Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo (0 stars): "The movie created a spot of controversy in February 2005. According to a story by Larry Carroll of MTV News, Rob Schneider took offense when Patrick Goldstein of the Los Angeles Times listed this year's Best Picture nominees and wrote that they were 'ignored, unloved, and turned down flat by most of the same studios that . . . bankroll hundreds of sequels, including a follow-up to Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo, a film that was sadly overlooked at Oscar time because apparently nobody had the foresight to invent a category for Best Running Penis Joke Delivered by a Third-Rate Comic.'

"Schneider retaliated by attacking Goldstein in full-page ads in Daily Variety and the Hollywood Reporter. In an open letter to Goldstein, Schneider wrote: 'Well, Mr. Goldstein, I decided to do some research to find out what awards you have won. I went online and found that you have won nothing. Absolutely nothing. No journalistic awards of any kind. . . . Maybe you didn't win a Pulitzer Prize because they haven't invented a category for Best Third-Rate, Unfunny Pompous Reporter Who's Never Been Acknowledged by His Peers. . . .'

"Schneider was nominated for a 2000 Razzie Award for Worst Supporting Actor, but lost to Jar-Jar Binks. But Schneider is correct, and Patrick Goldstein has not yet won a Pulitzer Prize. Therefore, Goldstein is not qualified to complain that Columbia financed Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo while passing on the opportunity to participate in Million Dollar Baby, Ray, The Aviator, Sideways, and Finding Neverland. As chance would have it, I have won the Pulitzer Prize, and so I am qualified. Speaking in my official capacity as a Pulitzer Prize winner, Mr. Schneider, your movie sucks."

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ProductReviews85/100 (26 Reviews)

Recent Reviews

5/5: From: Amazon; Posted: Sep-26-2008; Thank God for Ebert!; Thank God for Ebert! The man is able to dis a film with biting wit and we need someone like him to rage against the imbecilic films that are constantly dumped on the public. Definitely worth the money!; read full review | report as inappropriate

5/5: From: Amazon; Posted: Jun-23-2008; Another Great Book of Bad Reviews; They always say you learn more from your mistakes than your successes.Roger Ebert's books of his bad reviews are solid arguments for that proverb. I'm not sure that Roger's reviews made the terrible movies he reviewed worth seeing--some...; read full review | report as inappropriate

1/5: From: Amazon; Posted: Jun-01-2008; This Book Sucks; Your Movie Sucks sucks. What is the point of releasing a book of movie reviews of bad movies? Read my last sentence. After sitting down to read this book, I was thoroughly bored within ten minutes. I would begin one review, hardly...; read full review | report as inappropriate

1/5: From: Amazon; Posted: Apr-04-2008; Your Book Sucks; Really.... Who does he think he is?An old fart egomaniac can be right... sometimes.; read full review | report as inappropriate

Selected Reviews

5/5: From: Amazon; Posted: Sep-26-2008; Thank God for Ebert!; Thank God for Ebert! The man is able to dis a film with biting wit and we need someone like him to rage against the imbecilic films that are constantly dumped on the public. Definitely worth the money!; read full review | report as inappropriate

3/5: From: Amazon; Posted: Jul-28-2007; Frequent Zingers, But Not Always On; This collection of 1 and 1/2 down to zero starred reviews, ranging from roughly 2000 through 2006, usually kept me interested, but there were more than a few instances of phoned in reviews. The 'one and a halfs' were often as much --...; read full review | report as inappropriate

1/5: From: Amazon; Posted: Jun-01-2008; This Book Sucks; Your Movie Sucks sucks. What is the point of releasing a book of movie reviews of bad movies? Read my last sentence. After sitting down to read this book, I was thoroughly bored within ten minutes. I would begin one review, hardly...; read full review | report as inappropriate