Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason

Most parenting guides begin with the question "How can we get kids to do what they're told?" and then proceed to offer various techniques for controlling them. In this truly groundbreaking book, nationally respected educator Alfie Kohn begins instead by asking, "What do kids need -- and how can we meet those needs?" What follows from that question are ideas for working with children rather than doing things to them.

One basic need all children have, Kohn argues, is to be loved unconditionally, to know that they will be accepted even if they screw up or fall short. Yet conventional approaches to parenting such as punishments (including "time-outs"), rewards (including positive reinforcement), and other forms of control teach children that they are loved only when they please us or impress us. Kohn cites a body of powerful, and largely unknown, research detailing the damage caused by leading children to believe they must earn our approval. That's precisely the message children derive from common discipline techniques, even though it's not the message most parents intend to send.

More than just another book about discipline, though, Unconditional Parenting addresses the ways parents think about, feel about, and act with their children. It invites them to question their most basic assumptions about raising kids while offering a wealth of practical strategies for shifting from "doing to" to "working with" parenting -- including how to replace praise with the unconditional support that children need to grow into healthy, caring, responsible people. This is an eye-opening, paradigm-shattering book that will reconnect readers to their own best instincts and inspire them to become better parents. more

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Smarter Choice Paperback, Unconditional Parenting:... From a nationally respected educator, the author of Punished by Rewards and The Schools Our Children Deserve, comes a...	23,982 reviews *smarter certified	$7.48 Coupon 1 coupon available Code: Detail: Take $5 OFF the purchase of $100 or more at Buy.com Expires:Nov-30-2009 Restriction:New Customers Only. Coupons are not valid on Marketplace items	See it
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Unconditional Parenting: Moving from... Pages: 272, Edition: 1st Atria Books Trade Pbk. Ed, Paperback, Atria	Amazon 11,406 reviews	$9.89 Coupon 1 coupon available Code:No Code Required Detail: FREE Shipping on orders over $25 at Amazon. Expires:Dec-31-2010 Restriction:Some restrictions apply. See site for details.	See it

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ProductReviews78/100 (74 Reviews)

Recent Reviews

5/5: From: Amazon; Posted: Sep-04-2009; not for lazy parents; If you want a book that tells you what to do and when - this is not the book for you. If your goal is to simply get your child to "behave," look somewhere else. If you want to think deeply about how you choose to interact with your...; read full review | report as inappropriate

5/5: From: Amazon; Posted: Aug-17-2009; Very Useful; I actually found this book by way of recommendation from a friend regarding attachment parenting & first borrowed it from our local library but quickly realized I needed to own a copy. It resonated with my instinctual parenting style &...; read full review | report as inappropriate

2/5: From: Amazon; Posted: Aug-13-2009; Very good thought provoking ideals-negative and daunting borderline shameful writing; I am glad that I read it because it has great ideas but I think I will take the ideas and questions that I felt were appropriate and find another avenue with which to explore them. There is so much of the book that is almost shaming...; read full review | report as inappropriate

3/5: From: Amazon; Posted: Jun-29-2009; I have SERIOUSLY mixed feelings about this book; Overall, I'm glad I read it, as it is a thought-provoking read that ultimately made a better parent just by grappling with the issues it presents.Here is what I liked about it:Kohn emphasizes teaching empathy, teaching kids about the...; read full review | report as inappropriate

Selected Reviews

5/5: From: Amazon; Posted: Sep-04-2009; not for lazy parents; If you want a book that tells you what to do and when - this is not the book for you. If your goal is to simply get your child to "behave," look somewhere else. If you want to think deeply about how you choose to interact with your...; read full review | report as inappropriate

3/5: From: Amazon; Posted: Jun-29-2009; I have SERIOUSLY mixed feelings about this book; Overall, I'm glad I read it, as it is a thought-provoking read that ultimately made a better parent just by grappling with the issues it presents.Here is what I liked about it:Kohn emphasizes teaching empathy, teaching kids about the...; read full review | report as inappropriate

2/5: From: Amazon; Posted: Aug-13-2009; Very good thought provoking ideals-negative and daunting borderline shameful writing; I am glad that I read it because it has great ideas but I think I will take the ideas and questions that I felt were appropriate and find another avenue with which to explore them. There is so much of the book that is almost shaming...; read full review | report as inappropriate