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The Velvet Rage: Overcoming the Pain of Growing Up Gay in a Straight Man's World

A groundbreaking examination of the psychology of homosexuality, why it leads to shame over one's identity and how to overcome it

The gay male world today is characterized by seductive beauty, artful creativity, flamboyant sexuality, and, encouragingly, unprecedented acceptability in society. Yet despite the progress of the recent past, gay men still find themselves asking, "Are we really better off?"

The inevitable byproduct of growing up gay in a straight world continues to be the internalization of shame, a shame gay men may strive to obscure with a fa?ade of beauty, creativity, or material success. Drawing on contemporary psychological research, the author's own journey to be free of anger and of shame, as well as the stories of many of his friends and clients, The Velvet Rage outlines the three distinct stages to emotional well-being for gay men. Offering profoundly beneficial strategies to stop the insidious cycle of avoidance and self-defeating behavior, The Velvet Rage is an empowering book that will influence the public discourse on gay culture, and positively change the lives of gay men who read it.  more

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1-10 out of 44
  • From: Amazon
  • Posted: Sep-09-2009

AMAZING!!!

This is a huge eye opener. I wish I had read this when I was younger - I would have "Come Out: a lot sooner. You can read this in one day. The title says it all. I found many parts of my own life in this book. I also saw defining moments in my life. It described not only pieces of my life, but a...

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  • From: Amazon
  • Posted: Aug-24-2009

Worth the Read!

As someone who has been professionally and personally successful while also comfortably "out" for nearly 40 years, I did not expect to find this book especially helpful or relevant. Since it was suggested reading for a retreat I attended, I decided to give The Velvet Rage a read. I found many...

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  • From: Amazon
  • Posted: Jul-31-2009

Lopsided interpretation

I thought this book would be enlightening about the gay journey of an individual or individuals. It was far from that. Though this author is a professional, whether highly acclaimed or not, he made a lot of misrepresentations (I FEEL). Yes, I understand that the book represented many of his...

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  • From: Amazon
  • Posted: Mar-27-2009

The Curtain Has Lifted

The knowledge and insights of this book are immeasurable. Kept thinking I wish someone had given me this book 20 years ago. Should be required reading for every gay man on the planet. It's like a curtain has lifted from in front of my eyes, and the heavy burdens of guilt and shame I have carried...

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  • From: Amazon
  • Posted: Dec-08-2008

Great book!

This is the first book which dedicates its entire thesis to the concept around the trauma of growing up gay and it is very well done.Before healing can truly be complete for gay men and lesbians to fully experience the benefits of deprogramming ourselves from the heterosexist mindset that we are...

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  • From: Amazon
  • Posted: Nov-23-2008

A Life-Changing Book!

This book was suggested to me by my therapist. I found the insights and experiences it shares cut right to the truth of my own life. The book's impact on me was so profound, I immediately bought copies for my closest friends. I've now given the book as a gift at least two-dozen times, and many of...

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  • From: Amazon
  • Posted: Oct-06-2008

Understanding Internalized Homophobia

This book is an excellent exploration of internalized homophobia, and specifically targets white gay men. There are a number of consequences that come with being gay- not only external threats like the threat of violence, the reaction of one's family, being out in the world, and other...

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  • From: Amazon
  • Posted: Aug-31-2008

Alan Downs did us all a favor

I was drawn to the book in the first chapter, and could not put it down. For the most part I recieved confirmation of my own point of view, as I started feeling like an outsider at age 40. Gay men over forty seem to have abondoned the arts for the disco, and still want to date 20 year olds and...

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  • From: Amazon
  • Posted: May-29-2008

Some Truths, Mostly Superficial

If you experienced the gay lifesyle as a skinny twink, enjoying the night life, drugs, alcohol and circut parties - this is for you. For the rest of us, it is very superficial and barely touches the reality or complexities of deep gay relationships. It also does not address bi lives or any real...

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  • From: Amazon
  • Posted: May-20-2008

Though apparently helpful to some, I find this book lacking; read it cautiously and with attentiveness to its flaws

I read THE VELVET RAGE in response to the recommendation of a friend, many of whose sensibilities I share. While I don't consider THE VELVET RAGE to be a BAD book -- and while it evidently has been helpful to some men -- I find it deeply lacking.Based on my experience during 53 years of life on...

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